Tube-ular LOLs

I've invented a new game. Although I'm wary of tooting my own trumpet, I sincerely believe it to be the best game in the world, and I predict it will take the place of all other competitive sports in the near future. I'd predict that some sort of additional messianic-sportlord status is also heading my way, but that's probably slightly less likely, given the Tube-ular LOLs' similarity to a game called GoogleWhack.

I'll lay down the rules shortly. But first, much like the rulebook of Monopoly, you'll have to sit through some 'how the game was invented' anecdotage first. I know: yawn, yawn, bloody yawn! But don't you even think about skipping these next few paragraphs to get to the rules! In fact, that's the first rule: no skipping. If you're not reading this bit you've already broken one of the rules and are therefore disqualified. Although you won't know this because, as I just pointed out, you're not actually reading this. So, really, I'm just chastising the obedient rule-abiders. Hmm, that seems unfair. Okay, okay - scrap Rule No.1. You happy now, you lousy, cheating game-wreckers?

Anyways, here's the 'history' nonetheless: I've spent the last few days trying to think of something worthwhile to post on this blog. After a recent flurry of activity I felt I'd 'dried up', so to speak. So I passed a few hours messing about on YouTube, looking for something funny to post a link to, thereby allowing me to bask in the reflected glory of someone else's hard work/public embarrassment/homemade snuff-film. But it's actually quite hard to find a genuinely funny YouTube clip unless you've got some sort of general idea for what it is you're looking for. After viewing the dismal results of keywords such as 'funny', 'blooper' and (pathetically) 'lol', I found myself typing in bizarre word couplings in the hope that some mind-blowing footage would appear onscreen. Phrases such as: 'epileptic motorcross', 'omelette spinster' and 'fallopian pope'. Obviously, none of these yielded any results whatsoever. Why would they? However, after keying in 'dancing muesli', I was rewarded with this video. Not exactly the life-affirming cack-storm that is melbolofworlds (the work of whom the two or three readers of ITITYTWITC - the catchy acronym this blog is currently going by - who didn't end up on here in search of porn will be familiar), but it's still pretty interesting, in an odd, confusing sort of way. If you can't be bothered to watch the video, I'll summarise: it's a couple of girls doing a dance to a piece of music which I can only define as 'classical clown music'. The word which sums it up is 'weird': weird music, weird dancing, and, given that I was only the third person in the world to view this performance according to the 'views' counter, a weird viewer experience. Don't get me wrong, it's not Inland Empire weird. Just mildly disorientating, a little like watching a behind-the-scenes featurette on the extras section of a DVD without seeing the feature film. Easy weird, good weird.

I tried another search, using the phrase 'mushy chick' this time, which resulted in yet another pretty odd and largely unviewed clip. Again it's some kids, this time arseing about with a stuffed tiger.

Obviously, having just discovered two clips in which some girls prance about, I was wary that, if I were to post just these, there was a good chance I'd be branded a frenzied sex-criminal, pursued by an equally frenzied band of torch-wielding villagers and strung up by my knackers from a lamppost. So I plugged away for further videos: the phrase 'superstitious gravel' threw up this clip of hypnotic and strangely unnerving dashboard footage of a seemingly endless drive through a rocky mountain wilderness; 'cucumber wife', although it sounds faintly amusing, led me to a news clip about a woman being shot in the stomach; and 'owl crusade' provided me with an intentionally funny clip of which I'd otherwise be ignorant. Oh, and there was one more - 'toothbrush ballet' - but that also featured young women dancing about (oh internet, you'll get me in trouble!)

This, I thought, would make a worthwhile blog-post. I could write something about how nigh blind chance had lead me, through a pair of largely random keywords, into these online snapshots, postcards from peoples' lives; about how, rather than using YouTube to watch footage of anchormen being humiliated by wildlife, newsreaders falling over, or the myriad other on-air mistakes which happened to be caught on camera, I was using it to more philosophical, human ends, to explore pockets of the world through a roulette-like language game; that this was the true wonder of YouTube, to be able to briefly share the experiences of total strangers which would have gone otherwise undocumented.

Then I thought: no, that would make me sound insane. Best just make a game out of this. So, the rules, such as they are, are thus:

1. Go on YouTube.
2. Type in a couple of unconnected, random words.
3. Click on the first video result, if there is one.
4. If it's a good video let me know by posting the words you used and a link to the resultant clip as a comment. Obviously, I'm aware that for anyone else to give a flying hoot about my pointless and time-wasting internet game there needs to be some sort of incentive: a prize. Therefore the person who comes up with the best YouTube clip ('best' being determined on a 'randomness of the keywords used' to 'batshit crazy footage' ratio) will win... something. I'm not sure what yet: it may depend on the calibre of the entries, if I get any at all. It could be a paper crown, the sort you get in Christmas crackers, with the word 'winner' written across the front in marker-pen, it could be a cheque for a hundred pounds.




(Please note: the winner WILL NOT receive a cheque for a hundred pounds).