Depeche Mode Guy - An Update

For the purposes of ongoing research, due to being literally swamped with comments on my last post (numerous recounts estimate a grand total of three, one of which was posted by myself), I've spent yet another week watching this guy.

That's right, seven days hunched slack-faced in front of my computer, mindlessly pressing 'play' over and over, interrupted only to occasionally shuffle to the bedroom, kitchen or toilet. In this time I've slightly revised my previously expressed opinions of him. I'm less scared, confused and racked by super-strength cringe. And I'm more... I dunno, 'won over'.

To be honest, things have now got to the stage where I can't listen to regular Depeche Mode any more. Regular Depeche Mode simply won't do. It has to be Melbolofworlds. It's Melbolofworlds of nothing. I tried listening to Violator this morning. I ended up slapping the cd player, clawing feverishly at my walls in what could only be termed 'an addict's rage' and screaming 'It's not good enough! It's just not fucking good enough!' The same goes for all music, really. I can't put a cd on, listen to the radio or watch a video on YouTube without thinking something like 'I wish that Depeche Mode guy was singing this instead' (or, rather, not 'instead' but 'as well'). Anyway, one evening I found myself typing the following message on YouTube's messaging service. And, after I'd finished typing, reader, I pressed 'send':

"Hi,

I really like your videos. I wrote about them on my blog a couple of days ago - to be totally honest I was slightly unkind, basically calling you 'Taxi Driver The Musical'. But I don't want you to think I'm now being sarcastic or playing a trick or anything like that - I do genuinely like your videos - a friend of mine used the phrase 'life affirming' which I think is pretty accurate. Your enthusiasm for the music is very visible and extremely contagious. So please upload some more stuff soon if you get the chance. You could be the next YouTube sensation! Are you still taking requests? If so I'd like to recommend 'Steam' by Peter Gabriel...

Thanks and best wishes..."

To his everlasting credit, he replied. I won't paste in what he says (because I still don't want to, y'know, anger him), but his general gist is that his camera isn't working any more and he can't afford to get it fixed or replaced but if and when he does he'll post some new songs up and let me know. He's a nice chap. I'd made a friend online. A thousand huzzahs. Friendship, however, is short-lived. I promptly sent him a response telling him I'd gladly wire him some PayPal-cash if he needed any, or that I'd set up a JustGiving page if he needed more than I could offer. I didn't end my message by listing the sundry sexual favours I'd keenly provide him with but, given the main body of my disturbingly toadyish message, he could easily have read that as a subtext if he'd chosen to. He's yet to reply.

So, the lesson, if there's any kind of lesson to be had (there isn't), is this: just who is the real hammer-waving, nightmare-dweller loon (for I described him thus) in this set-up? Is it the man who posts videos online of himself singing some tunes, dancing about and having a laugh? Or is it the man who repeatedly watches his performances, initiates contact with him and then offers him large sums of money for more, as though he were some kind of performing monkey/whore/monkey in a whore outfit? I'd say the answer is pretty damn obvious.

(It's him.)